Rebirth

Since my last interaction with this site I've put together about twenty-five rough drafts of new posts that I've failed to finish or find worthy of submission. The majority of these were philosophical in nature, and I am not confident in my capacity as a writer to push some of my points across with my present level of linguistical aptitude. While video games should be related to a reader using simple language and subjective analysis, an attempt at conveying a philosophy or ideology requires a great deal of care and careful crafting. My own personal research in the field of philosophy is limited insofar as I have spent the majority of my meditation without the aid of references outside of my own experiences. The path I have traveled throughout my life has lead me to a very unforgiving kind of objectivist point of view, and I cannot, at present, seem to rationalize a method or manor which would allow me to construct a system of beliefs on a world that does not adhere to any fundamental guiding principles or laws of causality; as such, I am also a determinist. Although I do feel that one of these perspectives follows quite logically from the other, both of these perspectives are independently unpopular and are often argued on their own merits.

Although I am not entirely satisfied with my talents as a writer I am going to make an effort to convey my personal system of beliefs through this website. If anything, this blog will allow me to channel some of my thought process into something a little more comprehensible than the rambling I communicate to my friends with regular frequency. I'll try to break my ideas down into pieces and present them one at a time. Vocabulary may be an issue here, as the articulation of abstract concepts like morality and justice is complicated. Even if I were to express myself using the diction most appropriate and effective for the conveyance of my perspective on the issues, a reader might end up spending more time scratching his way through textbooks and wikipedia pages trying to decipher my explanations than he would spend simply reading his way through them. I intend to go a little bit heavy-handed with a number of analogies in order to simplify a number of the concepts I'll cover, and it is important to understand that the function of the analogies begin and end with their author. If I state, "People are like ants... They move in large numbers, bustling here and there, supplying nutrients for a society that provides them with life," I am not arguing that people dig tunnels in the ground and lay down chemical trails leading other humans to food sources.

I am passionate about philosophy, and I'm excited to see what I'll work out over the coming weeks. Contrary to the beliefs of some of those who might consider themselves more 'intellectual' than myself I do tend to change my mind on smaller issues with relative frequency, and I've been known to make larger personal revelations from time to time when I've identified an error in my own reasoning while providing an exposition in conversation. Perhaps I'll learn something more about myself, or clear up a few of my own viewpoints as I take the effort to plant these ideas down in writing. I suppose we'll see as we go. I'll keep it as organized as I can manage.

It's Been A While

The last couple of weeks have been busy, though that 'busy' has not been a bad one. It has, however, been more up and down than I believed it would turn out. My free time has been taken up with friends and my busy time has been taken up with... well, attempts to write, or craft worlds, or simply to make sense of so many responsibilities I have assigned to myself. There is the dentist I need to make time to return to in order to set up the appointment for the day I will again have to find time and a chaperon to return once again. There is the apartment I need to clean, not only for myself, but for company; I haven't had company in ages and I feel as though I am obligated in some way to impress them, and believe I consistently fail to do so in every respect. There is the woman I continue to pursue, and a relationship which I require; two things that are mutually exclusive from one another. Lastly, there is the writing.

My writing habits have been bouncing all over the place. The article format I've been using as my regular template has grown a bit stale and I've made a few efforts to post something a bit more personal, as the kind of writing you might run into on a personal blog. While games are a personal passion of mine I'm not finding that my writing or my job are allowing me enough time to play as much as I would prefer to, and it is diminishing my drive to write about them in a daily capacity. From this point onward I may attempt to produce no more than a handful of "articles" each month based on whatever I find to be the most interesting topic for myself to invest time into on any given week. I've taken some time out of each day lately to invest back into producing the one-shot pen-and-paper Role-Playing Game I began several months ago when, for a disappointingly brief period, I was involved in a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. This undertaking involves the creation of an entire universe, with its own history and characters, along with a new core gameplay mechanic based loosely on the Dungeons and Dragons 4.0 rule set. I don't have any players available to share the campaign with at the moment, but my creativity will not be deterred, and I am requiring myself to complete this thing which I have started.

My love for gaming journalism took one hell of a blow yesterday when my Twitter account started seeing messages posted regarding a buyout of the 1UP network by UGO. Somewhere between 10 and 12 hours of every week for the last fourteen months have been invested into 1UP's various podcasts and the news that thirty or more of the people producing or otherwise involved in the podcast were 'released' from employment left me rather down. At least 30 of the greatest personalities of the 1up network were canned all in one sitting and are now entering into this new year and its terrible economy searching for work. After investing several months into a television show or a manga magazine a consumer can find himself feeling attached to their characters... After pouring nearly 500 hours into following each of these guys, and any number of hours poring over their articles online, I can definitely say I've grown attached to the crew. Thankfully even in such hard times there's some light in the darkness. Eat-Sleep-Game has absorbed Anthony Gallegos, Nick Suttner, and others of the crew, and is providing the bandwidth to host a new podcast with these characters called Rebel.FM. If they can get some ads up and running they might even be able to make a return on their currently-free time investment.

Anyway it's all been one longer roller coaster of good friends and bad news. As the dust settles I'm hoping it'll get a little easier for me to figure out what direction I want to take my writing, or at least afford me the focus to figure out a system where I can keep myself on track while still allowing me to branch out and try some new things. Lord knows I need more time to read, which drives me nuts enough even without constraints because of my slow reading speed. While that all sorts itself out I think I'll try to press myself back into the whole blogging thing and hammer some more work out over the next couple of days. Stay tuned for updates and some additional exposition.

War in.